General Motors invites you to sign up for its new Hummerdinger driving camp. Sign up now and learn how to drive across stream beds and active volcanoes, up sheer cliffs, and over the bloated carcasses of your enemies.

Just kidding. But, seriously, we'll teach you to take on some real hard-core suburban terrain. A trained instructor will ride shotgun as you weave through a mall parking lot, wind through intimidating traffic cones, navigate treacherous puddles and make totally illegal U-turns, all while yakking on your cell phone. At the end of it all, we'll debrief you over donuts. Week-long course: $5,000. (Makes a great write-off). Gasoline not included.